Justin Bieber ‘Races’ at 30 Miles an Hour

Justin Bieber basketball instagramLike Paris, Britney, Lindsay and Amanda before him, Justin Bieber is under a microscope. Not because no one can seem to find his enlarged clitoris, but because he is, in the words of Joel McHale, “a fucking idiot.”

TMZ has been poking around for follow-ups to accompany the news of his DUI arrest and so far they’ve uncovered a video of the Biebs driving slower than a slug in a wheelchair. At a mere 27 miles per hour, Justina Bebeur may just be the worst drag racer of all time. Sad because fatalities usually occur at higher speeds.

We’re also learned that the award for having female genitalia and riding in cars with little famous boys is getting paid to do “webcam events” and stripping for Michael Lohan lesser-known celebs at Scores. 

From TMZ, about the the model/hooker/fame whore who was in his Lamborghini at the time of arrest:

Partying with Justin Bieber on the night he gets arrested pays BIG MONEY — his model GF could make a quick $25,000 if she’s down with strippers and inspiring erections … TMZ has learned.

Chantel Jeffries, the smoke show who was riding with JB in the Lambo … just got the juicy offer from NYC’s famous Scores strip club. We’ve seen the offer letter, and honestly … it’s a pretty sweet deal.

According to the letter, Chantel would host “a few” webcam events from home, and the pros would do the heavy lifting — as in, Scores strippers get naked and dance … while Chantel just plays middle-woman between the girls and the dudes online looking to get off.

Lastly, as we’ve long suspected, JB smokes weed for breakfast lunch and dinner, as seen in these shots of his bong-filled kitchen…
Justin Bieber's weed room
Rumors of his “Marley room,” which is just the typical disorganized stoner guy table in front of a couch, make Miley Cyrus wonder why she lost his number.

Bieber responded to criticism and the trending of #DeportBieber by comparing himself to Michael Jackson. This kid is smoother than Legos. And nails. And Pauly D’s hair.

 "He's what you get if Ed Hardy released a line of people," Kenan Thompson, on Jeremy Bieber

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